Third week and feeling like a mom

So the photos are coming a day late because my other brother was sleeping in front of the computer and the Aerobed (as seen on TV!) was taking up the space I needed to sit in to upload photos, but, suffice it to say that the third week with Jolyon has been a really happy whirlwind of family visits. Our child is incredibly blessed to have such a big, loving extended family filled with adoration: both my parents and brothers, and Stephanie's parents and sister.

As for the parents - I think it's feeling pretty much second nature now for both of us. Looking back on the pre-Jolyon times, they feel incomplete. We are absolutely cut out to be a family.

I know lots of other people have had a lot to say about how it's hard to be the non-gestational parent, and indeed, it is a weird hodgepodge of adoptive parent issues combined with sharing parenting with someone who does have the genetic connection AND the Boob (as not seen on TV).

But, I really haven't found that to be a problem. And by "not a problem" I don't just mean, "not as much of a problem as I'd been led to believe". I mean, "Really, it hasn't been an issue."

Perhaps because Stephanie has been really great about making sure that I have many opportunities to do things with Jolyon that don't have to do with feeding him, and occasionally, things that do.

Perhaps because we had biological grandparents who very gracefully waited 10 days before they showed up to greet their grandchild, to give me some time to bond.

Perhaps because we had nonbiological grandparents who totally compliment my parenting skills and my ability to provide things to Jolyon that other people cannot.

Perhaps because I was really involved in his birth, was the first person to touch his head and catch him and cut the umbilical cord.

Perhaps because I am just absolutely gaga over babies in general.

Perhaps because we have just the most adorable, fun baby of all time and there's no way I couldn't have fallen instantly in love with him.

I suspect all of these things have helped to make me feel 100% without a doubt like Jolyon's real mother, not like some kind of surprise bonus second "other" mom. The only time that not being the mom who squeezed him out of her pelvis thing even comes up is when I'm jogging and people ask how old he is and then fall over in shock when they do the math and think that I'm X days postpartum and isn't it amazing that I'm up to 5 mile hillwork runs already and did I do a natural childbirth or take an epidural and wow have I lost the weight quickly. I just respond with, "oh, no, his other mom gave birth to him", and people very quickly switch to "oh, isn't that great!" and it is totally not a big deal. Yet another time to be happy about living in Seattle.

When we're both out with Jolyon at the same time, we have a policy that the person who isn't holding him is the person who gets to answer questions about the baby (age, name, is that a family name, where did it come from then). I think that helps to drive home the fact that we're both parents and we're both connected to him. I don't think it's immediately obvious from appearance that one of us is biologically related, and which one of us it is, which also helps.

The only issues we've had is with the lack of clear-cut mini-me resemblence to either me or Stephanie is people who know us (and perhaps should therefore know better) saying things like, "Oh, his father/daddy/papa must have dark hair?" and I just pause, give them a blank confused stare for a moment, and then say, "Weeell, sort of, except Jolyon doesn't have a father/daddy/papa, because that implies a parenting relationship, and Jolyon has two moms," whereupon the person looks absolutely mortified and ask what term we'd prefer they use and I keep the thought of "for the love of god, why must you even be using any term whatsoever about the genetics because it's really so completely none of your business!" to myself and instead cheerfully say, "Oh, sperm donor!" with the confidence of someone who says the word "Sperm!" to a lecture hall of college students on a regular basis, and then the other person shuts UP because they realize suddenly that they've been really invasive because oh my goodness, SPERM, that's really private matter they've just been inquiring about, isn't it? Yes, yes it is. Bingo.

So, anyway I feel like a mom. Not the "other mom". And, I think the whole mom thing is working really great. It's been a really natural fit, and I've been having such a good time doing it. I'm consistently delighted to have Stephanie hand me a grizzly baby with a plea of, "He's really fussy, please, can you take him?" because I feel like an absolute supergenius when I get him to burp, calm down, sleep, immobilize-via-burrito-wrap or otherwise figure out the source of his discontent and help him deal with it.

It's really rewarding and not as hard as I thought it would be, because really, right now Jolyon's needs are pretty simple. I think it will get ever more complex and challenging from here on out, but I hope that as parents we will have increasingly more experience under our belt to deal with the complexities. So all in all, I hope it will be like Milo of Croton training for the Olympics by hefting a calf around. By the time the calf grew up into a bull, Milo had built up the necessary muscles to heft such a considerable load.

Only I fervently hope the story of Jenny and grown Jolyon will have a much happier ending for both parties than the story of Milo and his grown calf.