The names not taken

So several people (i.e. curious grandparents) have asked us what the other names under consideration for Jolyon were, since we kept the list of boy and girl possible names super-secret until the birth of our child.

The answer is that the super-secret list is staying super-secret because we plan on having more kids, and only once we are done with expanding our family will any unused names be disclosed. This isn't to be mean, just that we've been told by many people that it's far easier to present the name Gertrude when it's attached to an actual baby with a birth certificate that says "Gertrude", than to present the name in theory, whereupon everyone will try to dissuade you from naming your child that. Gertrude, is, by the way, here being used as a generic unpopular name - actually one I rather like in the abstract but Stephanie does not, and it's a name that sounds terrible with our last name in any case.

However, I have been having a very good time with the Baby Name Wizard book, and would like to present some names which are NOT on our list, due to some sad technicalities.

If Stephanie consented to having as many children as I would envision in my craziest dreams, I would name my fifth son Quentin and my eighth daughter Octavia. Our seventh son might be named Septimus, too, in part because Arcadia is one of my favorite plays.

If our last name did not start with a hard-G sound, I would name a child Augustus, nicknamed Gus.

If I were Roman and lived in a world without the word "lavatory", I would consider naming my daughter Lavinia.

If I were Greek, I would name my daughter Ariadne and my son Lysander.

If our last name did not contain a prominent "Art" sound AND we were Greek AND I were sure that my daughter would be confident and either beautiful or athletic, I would name her Artemis.

If I were an evangelical Christian, I would name my daughter Evangeline. (And, I am delighted to note that in the time since I pointed this out to Stephanie, we found out that a friend from college to whom these criteria do apply, did in fact name her daughter that!)

If, on the other hand, I lived in a world entirely without Christmas, I would name my son Rudolph. I love it, and it's a family name, but it may have a potentially fatal reindeer problem. Readers, feel free to weigh in on this one.

If I were Latina, I would name my daughter Esmerelda and my sons Orlando and Ignacio Raul. If I were Latina and Christian and also lived in a world without luxury German cars, I would name my other daughter Mercedes. If the world were instead lacking rice pilaf and English language synonyms for columns, I would also consider naming that daughter Pilar.

If the sound "whore" did not have the meaning it does, I would name my son Horatio.

In a world without Harry Potter in which I were looking for a New Testament name, I would name my son Lucius.

If I believed in matchy names and I were a Christian and I had all-boy triplets and in this hypothetical world one of the names hadn't already been claimed by a sibling, I would name my sons Caspar, Melchior and Baltasar.

If my daughter were born on the fourth of July, I would give her the middle name Liberty, and if my son were born on the fourth of July, I would give him the middle name Justus. But possibly not if they were twins. Probably. Unless of course I believed in matchy names.

If Ava weren't so incredibly popular, I would name a daughter Ada after Ada Lovelace.

If Sophie weren't so incredibly popular, and if we had a shorter last name, I would name a daughter Sophonisba after Sophonisba Breckinridge. (Her nickname would be Sophie, of course.)

If Milo were not so "in", Stephanie would name our son Milo in honor of a favorite literary figure from childhood, and I would agree!

If Sebastian were not so trendy and also did not end in a syllable meaning the southmost part of the face in English, we would name a son Sebastian.

If we had a child with ambiguous genitalia, we would name him/her Aubrey or Robin.

If I lived in the UK where I could guarantee the correct pronunciation, I'd name my daughter Briony and my son Maurice.

If I were living in the Ring Cycle rather than just contemplating finding cheap tickets to Goetterdaemmerung at the last minute, I would name my daughter Hildegard and my son Siegfried.

If I were living on the pioneer west, I would name my son Alonzo.

If I were either a cat or in search of a truly obscure, awesome Old Testament name, I would TOTALLY name my daughter Mehitabel. (And we may in fact name an future kitty this.)

If I lived in a world without VH1 novelty acts, I would name my daughter Flavia.

If we hadn't already picked the best "Jo" name for our first child, I'd name my daughter Josephine.

And that's it for now. There may be a sequel post with more names not taken, because I really do love names and thinking about them!

PS -To other expectant parents I do highly recommend the approach of Mission Very Hush-Hush Super-top-secret Classified Name(s) Until There Is A Baby Bearing Said Name. We still have to say "No, not Julian!" and "No, he's a boy!" as often as expected, but we do so with great joy and absolutely no namer's remorse.